My Savvy Little Nursemaid

I have been sick for the past couple of days...fever, chills, the works. I do not get sick very often (I don't count my bi-monthly migraines)--so when I finally do it's a doozy.

Yesterday, El Jefe and Jay took off around noon for a 6 hour long swim meet.

They headed out around noon and left Aussie and Savvy in charge of getting along, taking care of me, and cleaning the house--not necessarily in that order--because the getting along didn't come until the end after I threatened them with bodily harm.

By two o'clock, I had a raging fever. Savvy came upstairs to check on me (they were supposedly cleaning the basement..even though I could've sworn I heard them playing Mario Cart on the Wii).

I was half asleep, but as she put her cold little hand on my forehead I croaked, "Ooh, that feels good. Put your other hand on my head too."

"Mom! You head is really hot. I know something that will do the trick," she said.

She disappeared.

And I fell back to sleep.

Sometime later, I felt something ice cold and wet on my forehead. It felt like a foot. I figured I was delirious.

Until the foot spoke.

"Does that feel good, mom?" Savvy, the nursemaid asked.

"Is that your foot?" I asked.

"Yes. I went outside and walked around in the snow barefoot for awhile so my feet would be extra cold," she answered.

As I opened my eyes, I noticed bits of leaves and grass were also on the bottom of her wet little foot.

"Get your foot off my forehead," I said, as kindly as I could.

"But, Mom. I'm trying to help you!"

"Get. It. Off," I said. "And go dry off your feet before you get what I have."

I fell back to sleep.

A little while later something icy and hard touched my forehead.

Nursemaid Savvy was back. With a lunchbox icepack in the shape of Patrick from Spongebob Squarepants.

"Hey, that feels kinda good," I said.


Of course, ten minutes later the chills began.

The Sunday Funnies

Just before the Christmas break, one of the mom's in Aussie's and Savvy's class started up a Christmas gift collection for their teacher, Mrs. Hermie, and her aide {who, if you follow this blog at all, you would know is me}.

At the end of the class Christmas party, the mom gave her gifts to us in front of the class, 4-5 moms and Mrs. Hermie's husband.

She said, "Mrs. Hermie, a little bird told us that your favorite place to go is Barnes and Noble. So here is a gift card we are sure you will enjoy."

Mrs. Hermie was deeply touched. As it was completely unexpected to her, she even shed some tears--and a short speech.

The class applauded.

After the applause, the mom went on to say, "Mrs. Hansen, a couple of little birds told me that your favorite place of all time is Chuck-a-Rama. Here is a gift card for you to enjoy."

Tears were shed on my part, as I tried to control the burst of laughter.

You see, Savvy and Aussie's favorite place to eat happens to be Chuck-a-Rama.

Yee-Haw!

The Sunday Funnies

Last week, my sister, my niece, and I decided to do a little Christmas shopping together. Syd and I were looking at some clothes whilst my sis was checking out snow boots.

The women's clothing happened to be right across from fancy lingerie. So when Syd paraded over with a sexy santa negligee {still on the hanger} around her neck I wasn't too surprised...I mean they were there for the pickins.

"Aunt Nic," she said. "Don't you think this would make the cutest outfit with a long sleeve shirt underneath and some leggings?"

Knowing my prudish sister would be quite shocked, I laughed, "Yes. Why don't we go show your mom your cute outfit."

Syd continued to wear the ensemble with the hanger around her neck for about 5 minutes. {I'm pretty sure the store lady thought I was just awful...possibly drunk on too much egg nog.}

Apparently, the hanger around the neck became uncomfortable, so Syd took it off and started carrying it around on her arm.

All of a sudden she shouted, "Ooh, look at the fancy underwear!"

Yikes! The fancy underwear happened to be a pair of thong underwear embellished with a feather boa and sequins OUCH!.

Shocking my prudish sister, didn't seem so funny--once I became the prudish aunt.

"Syd! Hurry and hang that back up before your mom gets me in BIG trouble!" I said.

Proof that I am neither Efficient nor Effective

Dearest Quality Control:


I had a list a mile long of things I needed to do today. One of the necessary evils involved the One Hour Photo at Walmart. This time of year Walmart is a nightmare and I wanted to avoid it at all costs..but duty called.

I decided that in order to be truly efficient I would send my pictures to the Walmart in AF. Even though this Walmart was 10 miles further than my normal haunt...it just so happened to be across the street from Jay's Orthodontist--and we just so happened to have an hour long appointment there today.

And so the pictures were efficiently sent.

And then the pictures were effectively forgotten.

Until I was just about home.

Looks like I'll be making one more efficient trip to the AF Walmart tomorrow.

“Efficiency is doing things right; effectiveness is doing the right things.”

Peter Drucker

A Queer Little Christmas Carol

Sunday night our ward choir participated in our annual Stake Choir Festival...a sort of
"Battle of the Bands" evening.

Our choir is suffering greatly in numbers this year due to a recent ward split. But, I thought our song sounded pretty decent. So, I wasn't too worried about it. okay, so I was a bit worried since there would only be 8 of us singing and six of us hadn't even seen the song till that morning..but duty prevailed

Then our substitute choir director announced from the pulpit, into the microphone, to the entire congregation...

...with the stake president and many bishops in attendance...

...and let's not forget the little children...

...that our ward would be singing...

"It Came Upon a Midnight Queer...I mean Clear," he most truly said, blushing appropriately afterwards of course.

The congregation chuckled. The gal standing next to me started to giggle. I felt a laugh coming on so strongly that I feared I wouldn't be able to contain myself. I took a couple of deep breaths and then avoided looking at my friend because she giggled on and off throughout the song.

By the time we finished our queer little rendition of a Christmas favorite, I was ready to burst.

When I reached my seat, a man {who I did not know} sitting next to me said, "You guys did pretty good, considering the introduction." He went on to say, "I don't know how any of you kept a straight face."

One of my friends told me that she had never heard such a beautiful Christmas song dedication to
Proposition 8.

We are singing "Midnight Clear" again THIS Sunday during sacrament meeting for our ward Christmas program...let's just hope he gets the title straight this time pun intended.

The Sunday Funnies

Last week, I noticed Savvy was writing numerous things on our calendar. I asked her what she was doing. She mentioned that it was a busy holiday month and she wanted to make sure she didn't forget any events.

As I perused her calendar items..I noticed..Nutcracker with Dad on the 13th, make hot chocolate on the 16th, last day of school on the 19th...and on December 23rd she had written
"Christmas Adam".

"Savvy, what's this "Christmas Adam" day?" I asked.

"You know how the 24th is Christmas Eve? Well, the 23rd is Christmas Adam."

Thing One and Thing Two

Thing One

On Tuesday, after work I headed downtown to do some Christmas shopping. On the side of the freeway, I noticed two thugs rough looking characters walking.

I found it curious that they were walking away from the nearest exit...and also away from a policeman who had pulled someone over just a 1/2 a mile up the road.

As I drove passed their abandoned car, I noticed that their turquoise bronco did not have a license plate...not even a paper one in the window.

Now, I'm no private detective {I only pretend to be one because I so enjoy watching them on TV}. But, even I figured out that these two thugs saw the cop ahead--then decided it would be less conspicuous for them to hop out of their cozy, bright turquoise, albeit stolen truck...and walk along the side of a busy freeway.

Silly Criminals.


Thing Two

After my private eye endeavor, I shopped and shopped till my poor little credit card couldn't take it anymore! {Just kidding, El Jefe}. I had great success with my shopping spree and was wrapping things pun intended up at the mall.

Just before I got out of the van I did a quick lipstick check. When what to my wandering eye should appear? But, a big, black smudge on the end of my nose.

How long I had been walking around like this I do not know. But, it was relatively hard to get off and I'm pretty sure it was dry erase marker from school.

So, class. I have a story problem for you.

"If Mrs. H has been wearing black marker on the end of her nose since 12:30 pm. And she goes to 6 stores in two hours during the busy Christmas shopping season. How many shoppers saw Mrs. H looking like a kook?"

Not Impressing my Daughter One Day at a Time

First I was Right

Last night, Savvy discovered that she had forgotten her vocabulary homework. She had already defined the words, but still needed to write sentences for them.

I told her she could just finish it in the morning, since we get there 25 minutes before school starts every day. She was still very distressed about it.

Then I suggested she just try to remember the vocabulary words and do the sentences on a regular piece of paper.

"But, Mom! I can't remember the definitions! There is no way I can write sentences without the definitions."

"Savvy, I can help you with the definitions," I answered.

"No way! Mom! Some of these words are really hard--you couldn't possibly know the definitions!" she replied.

"Like what?" I asked.

"Malnutrition," she answered.

I told her the definition. She still refused to proceed..on the grounds that I may be wrong.

{Now I'll admit my track record with math isn't so great...but ever since I started helping her with her sentences we...I mean...she gets comments like "Very Creative!" "Fabulous!" So, where's the love?}


And then I was Wrong

Today, during lunch recess, I was grading papers with a few other 4th grade teachers. Savvy came into the classroom with the question, "Mom do we have a protractor? I need it for my math homework. If we don't have one then I have to do my math during recess."

"I'm pretty sure we do," I answered.

"Then where is it...I have to have it," she said.

"I think we have a hot pink one in the junk drawer in the kitchen," I said.

"Uh. Mom. That's a compass," she said, obviously embarrassed for me.

{Okay--so I must admit--I had to google the difference between a protractor and compass...and look what I found! Check out this link...who knew compasses could be so dangerous..sheesh!}

The Sunday Funnies: Smelly Edition

Auzy loves refried beans--to the point that I finally had to hide them from him as his obsession can have very smelly ramifications.

Yesterday, Auzy found a can of refried beans in the pantry and rediscovered his love for them. Over the course of the day, he consumed the entire can--
by himself.

Today was Stake Conference.

I sat next to him for two hours.

My eyes and nose are
still burning.

Senior Citizens Anonymous

My sister Jilly and I went Christmas shopping today. As we were checking out, the cashier who--I kid you not--was missing a tooth, eating peanuts out of a Dixie cup, and licking the salt off her fingers--asked me if I was 55 or older {meaning--did I want the
senior citizen discount?}

What in the?

I have been asked if I was younger...but never 19 years older!

Did she think I was Jilly's mom?

Coach's grandma?

For pity's sake!

Jilly encouraged me to consider the source.

I have been considering the source all afternoon...and I'm about ready to go back and...
...who am I kidding I don't do confrontations...
...although I might if I were an
old, crotchety senior citizen
{sorry Grandpa!}.

Have you ever been falsely accused of being older? Younger?