The Sunday Funnies (ER Edition)

On Friday night, after I dropped my kids off at swim team, I drove myself to the ER with pain in my stomach.

I figured it would be a quick check to make sure nothing was going to kill me and I'd be home before my kids realized it.

Upon further investigation, the doctors discovered I had stones. Gallstones to be exact. This necessitated the removal of my gallbladder.

El Jefe called the kids to let them know that mom was going to be having a little surgery. I told him to tell them gently so they wouldn't be nervous.

Now, for the past couple of days I had been complaining to my kids that my stomach hurt. So, it wasn't necessarily news to them that I would likely need a trip to the hospital.

But, still--we didn't want to shock them with a "Mom's going into surgery to have her gall bladder taken out--no big."

So, with the kids on speaker phone, El Jefe tried to cushion it by saying, "You know how your mom's tummy has been hurting?"

"Yes," they answered.

El Jefe continued, "Well, mom decided to come down to the hospital and have it checked out."

"YES," they said, a little more excitedly.

"And they did an ultrasound...and the doctor's found out that..."

"MOM'S PREGNANT!?!?" Jay and Savvy yelled!

"NO! You knuckleheads! She has to have surgery to get her gallbladder taken out," he answered.

"Ohhhh," they sighed, dejectedly.

They were not in the least bit worried, mind you--but discouraged that their mama wasn't in the hospital having a baby.

Sheesh!

The Sunday Funnies

On Wednesday, I had my kids slaving away in honor of my WC guests....Pammi and Jo.

Jay was too busy for such things. Because she wasn't home for more than 10 minutes, she didn't have to lift a finger all day.

So, Savvy and Auzy were the ultimate Cinderellas -- and I, their wicked stepmother.

Somehow they tricked me into letting them work together. They were pretty good helpers at first. But, after repeating over and over that I needed clean house and quickly...it started to get a little old for them...errr...everyone.

After a while, whatever task I gave them--ended up in a wrestling match. I would referee, tell them to get cleaning, and run to do another chore.

At one point, I heard Savvy gasping for air. I ran to see what the issue was.

Auzy had her pinned to the stone, cold tile floor--with his elbow in her neck.

{Picture an all-star wrestling move.}

"Auzy! What in the world are you doing? Let her go!" I said.

"Hey. She never gave me an "I message" to let her know she didn't like it," he replied, still having his elbow pressed to her throat.

"An 'I message'?" I asked.

"Ya. Mrs. K (school counselor), talked to us about bullying today. She told us that if we are being bullied we should use an "I message" to let the bully know we don't like what they are doing," he answered.

"Let me get this straight. As the bully of your sister, you feel entitled to receive an "I message" before you will stop hurting her?" I asked.

"Yup," he answered.

"Okay. I will hurt you if you don't get off of her NOW!" I replied.

Faith, Scouts, and Clumpy Weeds

A few days ago, Auzy and I decided to work on some scouting requirements.

{Before you get all impressed..please realize that I am very lazy when it comes to things of a scouting nature...and since we are approaching the point of no return on the Webelos badge...I decided I'd better do SOMETHING. It's called panic mode, people.}

Anyway, we were working on the faith character connection requirement. It says, "Tell what you've learned about faith."

I asked Auzy, "So, what have you learned about faith?"

His answer started off faithfully simplistic...and ended like only a 10 year old boy could manage.

"I've learned that faith is like a little seed that needs nourishing treatment," Auzy said. "And if you nourish it your faith will grow. But, if you don't nourish it--it will grow into a clumpy weed."

The Sunday Funnies

Last weekend, I made waffles for breakfast. They were delish if I do say so myself.

Now, El Jefe is not a fan of waffles or pancakes {a fact I did not find out until after we had been married for 13 years...multiply that by all the birthdays and anniversaries we had during that time..and that would be 26 times he was forced to choke down waffles...which truly is another story for another day}.

After breakfast was over, El Jefe decided to help me out by cleaning up the breakfast melee. He loaded the dishwasher, wiped off the cupboard, and began cleaning the waffle iron.

Whilst wiping down the waffle iron, El Jefe noticed a piece of waffle crust towards the back of the maker of waffles. Being the full-service kinda guy he is...he attempted to pull the crusty piece out with his fingers.

It proved to be a difficult task. He decided to take a more serious approach...this approach involved prying it out with a fork. {That didn't work too well either}.

Desperate times called for even more desperate measures, so El Jefe got out a steak knife and began chopping away at it. "Man, this is tough crust," he thought to himself.

El Jefe's hard work finally paid off, when he was able to chip a piece of the waffle crust away with the knife.

At this point, he noticed that the wires appeared to be encased inside the so-called "waffle crust"--which turned out to actually be the insulation to the waffle maker wiring.

{Now, I know El Jefe doesn't love waffles...but sheesh...all he had to do was ask me to not make them anymore.}

P.S. If I get a guilt-tripped waffle maker for mother's day, there's going to be trouble in river city. What I really want is this...click HERE El Jefe.

Spring Break Shenanigans

Over the spring break weekend, our family drove down to Arizona. It was fabulocity having the time off from school, work, house cleaning, callings, etc.

As always, on our family vacations, there are bound to be shenanigans galore. Here's a few of the highlights.

*Normally in AZ you get one kind of weather...sunny. We got it all...hot & sunny (Thurs), nice and warm (Fri), cold and rainy (Sat), snowy (Sat night/Sunday).

*We went to a D-backs game...as always it was just as much fun to watch the fans as it was the game. At one point the organ was playing the ever popular "charge" music.


When they got to the end where you are supposed to yell "Charge"...Auzy mistakenly yelled "Puppy Power" from good old Scooby Doo. He had obviously missed the training on baseball etiquette.

*After we arrived in Phoenix, I called my BFF, Jolene, to make a few plans for the time that I was in town. We planned to go to the movies on that Thursday night, and then get together for fun and games the next day too.

Unfortunately, nobody could meet for the movies till after 9. By 830 pm, I was sooo tired that I texted Jolene and told her I was out. As I was texting her, she was texting me simultaneously saying that she was too tired to go to the late movie. "We are a coupla old ladies," Jo texted me back.

*We stopped in Sedona for some hiking good times. This year, El Jefe picked out a gem of a hike..."Wilson Trail". You may recall last years hike involved some Aliens of epic proportions...if you've forgotten about this memorable hike...click HERE.


At the beginning of our little hike, Auzy decided that as trail leader, he needed a walking stick. We had walked a little bit when he found the perfect stick. As he bent over to pick it up, I thought it was a snake and screamed. Loudly.

Did you know if you scream in the wilderness..it's even louder and more embarrassing than in the city limits?


In spite of the snake scare, the hike was a good time. With Auzy as our trail leader, we knew we couldn't lose..or get lost?


Jay opted to be the most fashionable hiker on the trail.


Savvy was the ever patient...errr..patient--she fell numerous times on the trail and we ended up using every band aid in our mini-first aid kit.

All in all, Sedona was a big hit.

*I got together with my true-blue's on Friday for some lunching, shopping, and all around good times. No shenanigans to speak of...we even found our matching WC hoodies for this year...on sale at Old Crazy.

*On the way home from AZ, El Jefe failed to pay attention to the gas gauge until it was almost too late. Our little gas tank screen said we had 0 gallons of gas left...and we still had 30 miles until the nearest gas station. El Jefe appeared to be very relaxed and not in the least bit worried--whilst I was pretty tense.

About 3 miles out of Nephi, the van lurched a bit and started to slow down. I WAS FREAKING OUT! Then, El Jefe started to laugh. He said, "April Fools" and continued on down the freeway. I punched him on the shoulder and told him April Fools jokes were only funny on the actual day. He had the nerve to laugh some more.

Spring Break proved that there really can be rest for the wicked. What a fun weekend!

Shenanigans a la Phone

Doncha hate it when you call someone...and your mind wanders?

Today, I was calling a gal who I have been trying to get a hold of for 3 days. Admittedly, I am starting to feel like a stalker...but that's another story for another day.

Not realizing I was spacing off, I let the phone ring and ring and ring and ring.

As it rang, I thought about what I wanted to plant in my yard this year...I wondered what was making my kitchen sink stink...I tried to decide what I was going to wear to "Wicked" tonight...all the while the phone was ringing...and ringing...

...All of a sudden, I heard a, "Hello?" in a little bit of an annoyed voice.

I stammered, "Uhh. Sorry. I was waiting for your voicemail to pick up."

{Which I don't think she even has...but I was so surprised to hear a voice...not to mention we were both at a complete loss as to why I had let the phone
ring endlessly for almost two minutes.}

What a shenanigan!

The Sunday Funnies

This morning, the light burned out in my closet.

It would not have been such a bad thing if it hadn't been 6:45 a.m.

It would not have been such a bad thing if my closet had windows.

It would not have been such a bad thing if I could have found my black, high heels.

It would not have been such a bad thing if I hadn't been running late for my 7:00 a.m. meeting.

Luckily, I have a teenage daughter who wears almost the same size shoe as I do. So, I ran up to her well-lit closet, grabbed a pair of black heels, and raced out the door.

I wear a size 8 and she wears a size 9...so they were a little big. Feeling a little bit like Cinderella wearing her wicked step-sisters shoes...I clomped into my morning meeting.

Since they kept slopping off my foot, I planned to come home after my meeting, find my missing high heels, and switch shoes.

Unfortunately, the switcharoo never happened, as I didn't get home till 830 am (church is at 9). The little time I had was spent helping the girls with their hair, finding my church keys, and did I mention Chef El Jefe prepared for me the most delicious omelet I have had in a long time? sorry girls...he's all mine.

Knowing my life is full of shenanigans, I'm sure you can guess the rest of the story...but I'll share the highlights just in case you're imagination is suffering.

I clomped into the cultural...and my shoe fell off.

I stumbled down the hall to Sunday School...and my shoe fell off.

After conducting Relief Society, I attempted to gracefully walk back to my chair ...and you guessed it my shoe fell off.

It gets better.

While trying to retrieve said shoe...I dropped 15 pages...I'm not exaggerating...of visiting teaching routes on the floor.

{I do so enjoy setting such a spiritual tone for our RS teachers.}

Oh...and just when you thought it couldn't possibly happen again.

On the way up to announce the closing prayer and song...my blasted shoe fell off, I tripped on the corner of the chair...and I think I heard someone in the congregation ask if Sister H. had a drinking problem by the way...yes I do...and it involves about 4-5 cans of diet coke a day.

Blushing through the announcements, I asked for forgiveness of my balance issues...and assured the sisters I wouldn't be wearing my wicked stepdaughter's shoes to church next week.

PS If I don't find my shoes by next week, I'm going barefoot.