Just call me Tevye

So I've blogged about my less than stellar book group. (We are in our 3rd month now - and are reading an LDS book - so at least I'll feel like I'm enriching my life - it's called Peacegiver by the way.) Needless to say, my love for the book group has not been great. But, somehow my oldest daughter, Jay decided she wanted to start one up anyway. Her exact words were - "Mom - I want to start up a book group like yours - only we won't read boring books." Truer words have never been spoken.

Last night was Jay's first book group. She decided on "The Secret Language of Girls". She also planned on having rocky road ice cream as dessert - because the main character in the book loves that kind of ice cream. Since she had never been to a book group she decided she'd better prepare a list of 15 questions to ask (I helped her narrow it down to 10).

At last it was time for Jay's Book Chat. 4 of the 8 girls showed (I guess we should've done reminder calls - but still with Jay that made 5 and it was okay. It was so cute - she started the discussion and asked each of the girls her questions - like "what was your favorite part", "which character do you think you are most like", "if you could rewrite the ending what would you say". She conducted that meeting like she had been doing it all her life. I was amazed at how much older than 12 she seemed. Don't get me wrong - she usually acts her age - but for some reason last night she just seemed old to me.

So, as I listened to my 12 year old act like a 16 year old - I started feel a little Fiddler on the Roofish - I thought "Is this the little girl I carried? Is this the little boy at play. I don't remember getting older - when did they." I was feeling the whole "Sunrise, Sunset" thing all over the place.

I continued to watch her interact with the girls the entire night - and I felt like somehow I had blinked - and she had grown up. I was impressed at how mature she was and that she could handle herself with her friends. I was pleased how she made sure everyone felt included. I was happy that her friends seemed to get such a kick at how wacky and silly she is (because believe me - she is completely uninhibited). But there was still this sense of sadness in me that I couldn't figure out. I guess sadness that we can never go back to her childhood days mixed with a little bit of regret that maybe I wasn't a fun enough/good enough mom.

All in all it seemed like a good time was had by all (even the mom having a pity party inside her head had fun). Jay had a blast, the girls were happy and excited for their next meeting/book (which by the way is "The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle"). And I guess I realized that even though my little girl is growing up and maturing - (and this is about to go from a little cheesy to extra cheese please) - she will always be my daughter no matter her age.