My Grams

My cute 91-year-old Grandma is a collector of poems, songs, funny stories and jokes. She has a cute sense of humor and enjoys passing along things from her stash. Everytime I visit, I end up leaving her house with lots of fun trinkets (notebooks, pencils, a couple sacks of food, and this time of year - leftover Christmas candy--which the kids are always thrilled about).

Last week, my sister, Jill, was at her house and Grams gave her this funny little "Things My Mother Taught Me" list. She mentioned to Jill that she planned on making copies for her 4 daughters. Of course, I have the most fabulous sister - and so Jill said "Let me save you the hassle - and email it out for you." Jilly emailed it to me - and it's funny! I thought it was so fun to see that what made my Grandma laugh - also made me laugh. So, enjoy!

Things my mother taught me:
1. My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done.
"If you're going to fight, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me religion.
"You better pray that this will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me logic.
"Because I said so, that's why."
4. My mother taught me more logic.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
5. My mother taught me foresight.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
6. My mother taught me irony.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
7. My mother taught me about the science of osmosis.
"Close your mouth and eat your supper."
8. My mother taught me about stamina.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
9. My mother taught me about weather.
"This room of your looks like a tornado went through it."
10. My mother taught me about hypocrisy.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times."
11. My mother taught me about anticipation.
"Just wait until your father gets home."
12.My mother taught me about receiving.
"You're going to get it when you get home!"
13. My mother taught me medical science.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to stay that way."
14. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your coat on, don't you think I know when you're cold."
15. My mother taught me humor.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
16. My mother taught me how to become an adult.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
17. My mother taught me about genetics.
"You're just like your father."
18. My mother taught me wisdom.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
19. And my favorite...My mother taught me about justice.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."

My Grandma has taught me some pretty wonderful things--some of them are on the list above (especially #14). All jokes aside, she has taught me that family is always first. She loves all of us - and would like nothing better then for all family members to drop in and visit anytime. My kids call her "Chocolate Grandma" because she is the notorious chocolate cookie giver (she's accepted the nickname too - so much that she even signs her cards "Love, Chocolate Grams".

Grams has an amazing testimony & truly lives what she believes. She is also amazingly spry for her age. She has a fun sense of humor and she just loves life. Take a look at her weekly schedule-- it would wear me out. Monday she goes to a mini-dinner at the senior citizens center, Tuesday is Ceramics, Wednesday is Temple day, Thursday another mini dinner, and on the first Thursday of every month she helps decorate for the big dinner the next day. Saturday is her catch up day—and then Sunday 3 hours of church. What a great example to me & my family that we shouldn’t be idle—even at 91.