I Heart Cheap DC!

All summer long, McDonald's has been having their extra large {diet coke} beverages on sale for 99 cents! {Ahhh. Sweet nectar...How I love thee.}

Naturally, I have taken advantage of their bounteous offering...almost daily unless DH is reading my blog and then what I meant to say was almost weekly.

Today, as I ordered a couple of kids meals--I noticed that the child size drink was also 99 cents. So, I asked if I could substitute an extra large diet coke with the kids meal instead of the small one.

"Yes," they kindly answered.

Two extra large

diet cokes

all for me.

Oh, how I heart cheap DC!

{Now, before you think I'm completely slothful...I did give the kids capri suns. AND after some deep and thought provoking consideration--I gave the other big DC okay, so it was the one I drank half of on the way home from McD's...but still to my husband who is home sick today}.

So, have you taken advantage of the good deals drinks at McD's this summer?

The Sunday Funnies

A few days ago, my mom stopped by my house with a couple of my sisters' cute kids. I was just headed out the door (with Savvy) to Joann's and Costco--and so I invited them along. After promising the children ice cream at Costco--we set out to Joann's in search of fabulous fabric finds.

I had just finished checking out when I looked at the clock and realized that Costco would be closing in 30 short minutes The Costco near my house is about 10 minutes away.

I told my mom (who was waiting in line to get fabric cut) of the shenanigan--and she suggested that I head over to Costco and she'd meet me there. Naturally, all of the kids wanted to leave the fabric store and head to the ice cream store.

As we pulled in the parking lot, my mom called and said she was on her way. She was surprised I had made it so quickly--and was sure I had broken all sorts of speeding laws (which if you have ever driven with me--you would know that that was NOT true).

We buzzed through Costco like there was no tomorrow--the kids were highly motivated to move quickly as they were worried about the Eatery closing before they partook of the glorious

chocolate & vanilla twist ice cream.

As I finished up with my shopping and got in line, I gave my mom a call to see what was taking her so long to get there. She informed me she was just barely getting off the exit and she'd be there as soon as she could.

"You took the freeway?" I asked.

"Yes," she answered.

"The back streets are much faster," I said.

"How did you take the back streets?" she asked.

{"Very carefully," I thought to myself.}

"Umm. I just did," I replied.

It was time for me to find my Costco card--so I got off the phone and told the kids to watch for their grandma.

They all watched and watched for grandma--but she never appeared.

We got in line at the eatery--and still no grandma.

Finally, I called her and said, "Where are you?"

"I'm on my way up to the front, I was looking for eclairs in the back," she answered. "Oh, and order me a chocolate yogurt," she added.

I reached the front of the line and was about to place my order--when my cell phone rang.
It was mom.

"I'm at the eatery--did you take the kids out to the car?" she asked.

"Ummm. Mom. I'm ordering right now--what are you talking about?" I answered.

"Seriously, Nic, I can't see you anywhere." she replied.

"Mom. Which Costco are you at?" I asked.

"The one you always shop at," she said.

{Yikes! I do like shopping at another Costco better--less crowded--it's usually worth the extra 10 minute drive!}

"Errrr. That one is 20 minutes away--I figured there wasn't time to drive all that way and still get my shopping done. I'm at the one closer to my house instead."

Laughter began.

What a Shenanigan!

At least, the most important part of this trip was achieved: The kids got their ice cream.

Friday Gems

I love the gentle reminder this scripture gives me to bless my family with the things that are

truly important.

“Organize yourselves;

prepare every needful thing,

and establish a house, even

a house of prayer,

a house of fasting,

a house of faith,

a house of learning,

a house of glory,

a house of order,

a house of God.”

Doctrine & Covenants 88:119

I Heart Extended Warranties

I realize that this is a way-random/boring thing to be spotlighting on "I Heart Thursday". But, I do heart extended warranties! I really do.

About 9 years ago, we bought a new Whirpool washer and dryer. After 4 years, the washer broke. We paid $150 to fix it the first time. Six months later, paid another $100 to fix it the second time. And when it went out the third time we smacked ourselves on the forehead and wished we would've just replaced it the first time around.

Hindsight, my dears, hindsight.

So, four years ago, we replaced our piece-o-junk with a washer from Sears. This time, DH decided it would be extra smart to buy an extended warranty.

Last week, our washer went out again {what can I say--I'm hard on washers}. The evening we were planning on heading out and purchasing a new washer--DH vaguely remembered that he had bought an extended warranty. With the way Murphy's Law runs around in our neck of the woods--I figured it would be a 3 year warranty.

After 45 minutes of phone calls and shenanigans--DH discovered that yes, we had bought an extended warranty--parts and labor--and it was for 5 years!

{Of course, we did have to wait a week for Mr. Fix-it to be able to fit us into his schedule--THAT was painful}.

Mr. Fix-it came yesterday--and replaced the pump and some agitator whatsits--and it was all for free!

So, yes, loyal readers, I totally heart extended warranties

{if only we could have purchased one for everything else on the brink of breaking in our house!}

So, what do you wish you had an extended warranty on?

If My Life Were a Movie...Part Three

The Trophy Wife
by Sassy Mama
*due to the graphic nature of my tails'
tale this story is rated PG-13

**Click HERE for Part One and HERE for Part Two

And now for the rest of the story...

Once upon a time, a loving, kind, generous, beautiful, fault-free okay, I know I'm laying it on a little thick here--but give me a break--I'm about to share my utmost embarrassing moment ever!

Anyway, once upon a time, a very Sassy Mama cooked dinner for her family. It had been a long and strenuous day at church--and this self-sacrificing mother--decided to actually cook a meal instead of saying, "Just eat cereal" (which she had done the previous three nights before--so there was a little guilt there).

On the menu? Chicken Alfredo--which just so happened to be a fan favorite in her household.

As Sassy Mama finished alfredoing the chicken, she called her lovely, glorious family to the dinner table.

"Come and eat, my darlings," she sweetly said.

Nothing happened. Nobody came.

Moving closer to the basement, Sassy Mama again said through gritted teeth a little louder "Come and eat!"

Still. Nobody. Came.

After waiting for the appropriate amount of time to pass, okay--so she started yelling before 5 seconds had even passed, she calmly hollered,

"Hansen's! Get your fannies up here and eat before dinner gets cold. NOW!"

The golden child, known only as Auzy, came a running. {This is a child that recognizes when mama means business--as he has been on the business end of that voice many a time in his young life.}

"Where's your dad? Your sisters?" Sassy Mama asked.

"I dunno. Downstairs, I guess," he carefully answered.

"Hmmmph!" Sassy Mama said under her breath. "I cook dinner and this is the thanks I get? A cattle call minus the cattle?"

The martyr made her decision. She decided that enough was enough. It was time to prove a point. No more would dinners grow cold because of the lackadaisical attitude of the punks her family members.

Sassy Mama decided then and there, that she and Auzy would be eating dinner--without those heathens.

She dished up Auzy's dinner--and gave it to him. Then she dished up her dinner. Just before she sat down to the table--Sassy Mama decided to crack open a cold one. Taking a couple of swigs of her DC, she flopped down into her chair--without looking--without bracing herself for any possible pointy objects.

Sharp pain commenced.

Sassy Mama heard herself screaming in pain. Ironically--her family members came a runnin' for this sideshow. {If only she had known, she may have tried this tactic sooner.}

As she jumped to her feet, she saw the elusive culprit. Auzy's soccer trophy.

Pointy, Glittery, Sharp, Painful.

Sassy Mama felt her behind--and noticed a hole in her comfy, gnome PJ's. She made a mad dash to her bedroom as to survey the damage. In the mirror, she saw a two inch, glitter filled {albeit bloody} gash on her backside.

"Owwwwww!" she shouted.

Her DH tentatively knocked on the door. "Honey, can I come in?" he asked.

Laughing (and possibly crying a little bit), she yelled, "Nooo! This is too humiliating!" She started to add "And painful!" but DH was already unlocking the door with the hidden key. Curse you! Hidden key.

DH surveyed the lay of the land. Namely, Sassy Mama's arse. "Ooh, that looks painful." And that ladies and gentleman is what she loved about her DH--always observant.

"I'll be right back," DH said. "You need Neosporin and a BIG again with the keen observation bandaid."

And so began the hunt for Neosporin and bandaids.

After tearing every drawer and cupboard apart in the bathroom, DH moved onto the kitchen.

Sassy Mama kept shouting directions on where to look next--knowing that if she were able to get up and look herself she would have found 4 tubes of Neosporin and several boxes of bandaids by now.

DH employed the help of his children--and finally found bandaids. But, still no Neosporin!

Sassy Mama decided to intervene--and so she pulled her long t-shirt over her arse and began the hunt for red October the Neosporin. This walk of shame was one her family wouldn't soon forget it actually may involve a little therapy--but what are inheritances for?

But, the Neosporin was nowhere to be found. DH sent Sassy Mama back to her room--and promised he would take care of business.

Minutes later, DH came in and proudly said, "Neosporin is on the way. Jay will be bringing it back in a minute."

"You DID NOT call Petal!" Sassy Mama shrieked. "She will want to know what is going on! Jay will spill her guts! This is a disaster!"

"Calm down. I need to clean your wound," DH answered. "Ooh--why is there glitter in your cut?"

Stinkin' glittery trophy.

DH stated, "You might need stitches."

Sassy Mama replied, "If you think I'm going to take my big...{edited for content as this is a family friendly blog}.

Enter. Daughter with the Neosporin. "Petal wanted to know if everything was okay--and I told her you were a little injured--but other than that you were fine."

Nice. One.

Searching through the first aid kit, DH found the dreaded antiseptic and proceeded with the cleansing.

Sassy Mama's children heard screaming and became nervous. Was she dying? {Possibly of embarrassment, yes}

{Sassy Mama made note of the fact that antiseptic cleansers really do hurt like the dickens when poured onto a gaping wound--and vowed never to do that to her children again. Infection be da**ed}

Soon, Sassy Mama's wound was free of glitter, cleansed, and bandaged.

With all of the family, waiting with baited breath on the couch--wondering if Sassy Mama would ever walk again, she limped out and calmly said, "Let's eat. Before dinner gets cold." She figured her point had been made (and then some).

Morals of the Story:

For the Children: Come to the dinner table when your sassy mama calls you.

For the Sassy Mama: a) When tempted by a glistening can of cold DC, remember to look before you sit. b) Being a trophy wife ain't all its cracked up to be. c) writing in 3rd person is harder than it looks.

For the Dad: Invest in a case of Neosporin and bandages.

So what's your most embarrassing moment? And you'd better share!

The Sunday Funnies

With school quickly approaching, it is time for the dreaded school clothes shopping {okay--maybe I'm being a little dramatic--because my kids get to wear uniforms--so its probably not that big of a deal}.

Anyway, last week I corralled the chitlins into Target to find uniforms for one and for all.

We headed to the Boys department--and found Aussie some navy pants and shorts (I wasn't in love with Targets polo shirt options).

Next, we headed to the Girls department and found Savvy some navy shorts and pants (this time I was a fan of the polo shirt options--but Savvy being a little particular than most--wasn't).

Finally, it was time for Jay's excursion to the Juniors department. At this point, Savvy and Aussie had lost complete focus for the task at hand and were running through the clothing like

wild animals.

So, I did what any good mother would do in a situation like this I threatened them with every inch of their life I gave them a job.

"We will get out of here a lot faster if you guys could help me find Jordyn some khaki pants." I said, hoping they wouldn't see through my ruse.

"Okay!" they answered in unison.

The twins, finding immediate success, approached Jay with a pair of HUGE size 16 (womans) khaki shorty-shorts.

Jumping up and down enthusiastically Savvy said,"Will these work?"

Sheesh.

Jay explained to them that she needed either a small, xtra small, a zero or a one oh, to be a zero again--errrr--actually I think I may have skipped that size.

After a little while, Savvy approached Jay with another clothing option. "Hey! I found zeros!" she said excitedly.

Laughter ensued.

Savvy asked, "What's so funny?"

I answered, "Sissy, those are maternity shorts."

"What does maternity mean?" Savvy replied.

"It's clothes people wear when they're PREGNANT!" I said. "See the big stretchy panel?"

Double Sheesh.

(and I'll throw in a heaven forbid

--for good measure)

Friday Gems

“Spread love everywhere you go:

First of all in your own house. Give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor...Let no one come to you without leaving better or happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile and kindness in you

warm greeting.”

Mother Teresa