The Sunday Funnies

Yesterday, I drove down to my sis-in-law's baby shower in my old home town...Oak City or the OC as my brothers have nicknamed it.

Somehow, my dad got schnookered into taking Savvy and her cousin Syd on a four wheeler ride.

They drove all over town, had a great time, and came home smelling like a campfire...mostly due to the happenings at one of the neighbors' weed burning parties.

When they got back, my dad was chuckling and shaking his head.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"While we were on our ride, Savvy yelled as loud as she could...'Grandpa! Make sure you drive by the cat lady's house!' We happened to be driving by the cat lady's house...and they were sitting out on their front porch and heard every word," he said.

Me-ow!

{Truth be told, it is Savvy's goal in life to be a cat lady with hundreds of cats}.

Lost in the Translation

Today I took Jay and her friend shopping for some last minute snickadees before youth conference.

In our travels, we stopped at Aeropostale to snag a couple of t-shirts and we happened upon their clearance.

They had jeans for $6!

{Of course, the catch was you had to be a Size 0 Short or a 14/16 Short.}

Feeling extra lucky, I ended up finding a pair of jeans that said "half" regular.

Jay normally wears a Size 1. But, I asked her if she wanted to try on the "half" size to see if they would fit. {I thought it was pretty unusual that they would make a size in between a 0 and a 1.}

"Mom," she said. "That isn't a half size--it's a size one slash two."

Sheesh!

But honestly, what's a girl to think when they put a 1/2 on the size sticker?

Family Home Evening

Tonight swim team practice got canceled due to bad weather.

This meant I finally had the kids home on a
Monday eve..so I put them to work.

I told the three of them they were in charge of every aspect of family home evening (except I'd do the refreshments).

Generally, when any of my kids are in charge of family night, it will either be a movie or some sort of game. So, I made the stipulation that there must be a
spiritual thought involved.

Apparently, they really wanted to play "Life". So, they orchestrated a FHE around it.

Jay narrated the creation from Genesis--whilst Savvy and Auzy held up homemade pictures.

I especially loved Auzy's rendition of Day 3-- does anybody else notice how earth looks an awful lot like Bikini Bottom (Spongebob Squarepants' domain)?


To-may-to, To-mah-to?

After the lesson, we played "Life" and I discovered some interesting tidbits.

#1 Auzy wants to name his children
Spongebob and Patrick.

#2 Savvy is planning on marrying a cat.


#3 The man on the $50,000 bill of Life looks a lot like Lorenzo Snow.

#4 Jay always took the pathway that earned her
more babies...not more money.

#5 I always took the pathway that earned me more money hey, I've already had kids and they aren't cheap

#6 Jay won the game by $100,000--and
boy howdy did she rub in the fact that I failed to follow one of the basic tenets from our FHE lesson...
multiply and replenish the earth.

The Sunday Funnies

Yesterday, our family spent most of the day at a swim meet. All three of the kids swam in it, and each of them improved their times in most of their events.

Successful swim meets involve lots of fun snacks, heavy duty sunscreen have you seen the fair skin on my kiddies? and plenty of liquid.

○ Snacks? Check. {bagels with cream cheese, crackers, sunflower seeds, and chex mix}

○Liquid? Check. {Gatorade, Diet Coke and Agua}

○Sunscreen? Oops! No check.

Being that this was our first outdoor swim meet of the year--and I am used to the indoor meets--I neglected to apply {or even bring} sunscreen.

El Jefe came to the rescue--and paid top dollar for a small tube of creamy, white sunscreen.

I slathered those fair-skinned kids of mine up like there was no tomorrow.

Shortly after the slathering, Savvy was talking to one of her coaches. He gave her his advice for her
upcoming race, and then told her she needed to
rub in the sunscreen on her leg.

"But, I didn't put sunscreen on my legs," she said, as she started rubbing it in.

Then she smelled her hand.

"Ewwww! This isn't sunscreen! It's cream cheese!"
she yelled.

Sheesh!

{A quick dip into the pool
remedied the issue.}

A Wednesday Funny

On Friday, our family was able to go to the conference center and watch Jay participate in a youth temple celebration--in honor of our new Draper Temple being built.

This was a once in a lifetime experience for her and we were so excited she had the chance to participate (even if our seats were way up in the balcony).

Just before the program began, President Monson entered the room with President Eyring and other general authorities.

The thousands of people who filled the conference center stood to show our respect and love for him.

I had a tear in my eye as I watched the prophet enter the enormous room and give a little wave.

And then I looked at Auzy who had his
hand over his heart.

In all seriousness, he whispered to me,
"Are we going to say the
pledge of allegiance now?"

Great minds...

Disclaimer: It's important to understand that I spent an hour this afternoon running/walking in the Jogapalooza at my kids school today...so I was a little distracted, hot, tired, dehydrated, loopy...you get the point.

On the way home from work today, I debated on whether I should call my sweet, sissy first...or check my messages at my house.

I decided to call my sissy.

It rang and rang and went to her voicemail.

Thinking I must have called my voicemail by mistake {I mean, where would she be in my time of need?}, I pressed the number necessary to check my messages.

The operator said, "Invalid entry."

Still thinking I was calling my own voicemail, I hit a different button {my cell phone and home phone use two different numbers to get to the voicemail menu--but sometimes I mix up the two}.

This time it worked and the operator asked me for my password--which I entered.

And the messages began to play.

The first was a message from a grandma whose voice I didn't recognize. She sang the cutest song in my ear, "Where oh where have my grandchildren gone, oh where oh where can they be...?"

Just as I was about to hang up out of confuzzlement...a message from my mom came on. "Where are you? Call me on my cell," she said.

I figured it must be the right voicemail and the poor ole' grandma got confused on who she was calling.

The message that finally clued me in that I had spent way too much time in the sun today said, "Jill...I just wanted to let you know what a cute and reverent little boy Cole was on Sunday in primary. He answered all the questions and was such a good boy. Tell him that Sister Jones sure was proud of him."

First of all, how sweet is that primary teacher to call and brag on my cute nephew?

Second, what are the odds that my sis and I have the same password to our voicemail?

And third, should I tell my sis about this incident--or continue listening to her cute messages?

Parental Responsiblity? Hah!

As a responsible parent, there are certain expectations you should live up to when interacting with your children.

Not making jokes during scripture reading would be one of those expectations.

Last night, as we read the scriptures, I failed that particular parental responsibility test. But, don't worry...I was punished beyond measure.

Savvy was in the midst of reading Alma 62:14--which says, "And it came to pass that Moroni and Pahoran, leaving a large body of men in the land of Zarahemla, took their march with a large body of men towards the land of Nephihah, being determined to overthrow the Lamanites in that city."

Right after she read the word Nephihah--I sang, "Hah!" It was out before I could stop myself. It was also out much louder than I intended.

I did not realize my kids would start laughing so hard that the reading would stop for a minute or two.

I did not realize that when I tried to pass the buck to my eldest daughter by saying, "Sheesh! Jay! Be respectful during scripture reading!" That nobody would believe it was Jay that did it--and everyone would say, "It was MOM!"

I did not realize that for the rest of the chapter every time Nephihah was read all three of the chillin's would sing a very loud "HAH!"

To illustrate my crime and punishment:

Verse 18 read, "And it came to pass that when they had sent them away they pursued their march towards the land of Nephihah."

Children in Unison, "HAH!"

Verse 18 continued, "And it came to pass that when they had come to the city of Nephihah..."

Children in Unison, "HAH!"

El Jefe looked at me and said, "Nice one."

Verse 18 continued, "...they did pitch their tents in the plains of Nephihah..."

Children in Unison, "HAH!"

Verse 18 continued, "...which is near the city of Nephihah."

Children in Unison, "HAH!"

But, the most important thing I did not realize?

That there were 52 verses of scripture in this chapter.

Let's just say there was a plenty of Nephihahahing to be had.

So, what irresponsible things have you been teaching your kids lately?
{Perfect parents need not reply.}